Japan and the Samurai

As we all know the samurai were epic warriors with weird hats and razor sharp katana, but…

Who were the samurai actually?

The samurai were among the best warriors in history. Each samurai was a one man army compared to the European knights that were around at that time period. For one thing the samurai were masters at just about every martial art that was around back then, for another they not only had the best weapons around, but they also were experts at using them. To learn all there is to know about samurai warfare watch this video. And don't worry it is actually entertaining.

                              

That’s pretty cool huh. As the video kind of explained the katana is pretty amazing, but believe it or not the katana is even cooler than he described. To get a grasp of the katanas full power watch this guy compare it to the European alternative at the time by slashing stuff with both the katana and the English long sword.

How the samurai were first created?

It all started back when Japan was made up of lots of city states. A city state is a city that has its own government. But anyway back then some barbarians were running around looting villages, robbing people, and stuff like that. So the daimyos (or rulers of the city states) were forced to hire expert warriors for protection. Over the course of time these warriors developed new weapons, martial arts, and codes to live by like the code of bushido. But it was not until Tokugawa, one of the daimyos, united Japan that the samurai became the government’s goons.

How did the age of the samurai end?

To learn about how the age of the samurai ended and what followed you can watch this crash course video, and don’t worry it’s not too boring.

Did you learn anything at all, or was this post about as good as crap. Please comment and tell me.

P.S

Sorry I could not find any games or activities about this subject.

The Aztecs

Who were the Aztecs?

The Aztecs were an ancient American civilization that was located in modern day Mexico.

In its height of power there capitol city was among one of the greatest in the world at that time, and would have been a wonder of the world if it wasn’t burnt to the ground. To get a basic outline of the Aztecs you can watch this video.

So as you can tell from watching that video the Aztecs were quite obviously insane but believe it or not they were even wackier than you might have thought. Take for example their food, you can learn about the repulsively nauseating food they ate by watching this episode of horrible histories Historical Masterchef.

Pretty sickening huh? Another awkward thing about the Aztecs is that they used chocolate for currency. At the time of the Aztec Empire most of the world never even knew what chocolate was since the Americas are one of the only places you can grow chocolate, and the Americas had not yet been discovered. But the Aztecs had plenty of chocolate, and everyone loved chocolate. So they used it for currency.  As a matter of fact Montezuma drank fifty goblets of chocolate a day.

 

 The Aztecs fell to the Spaniards pretty easily. Why that is? Watch this video to find out.

What do you think about the Aztecs?
 
Please comment

Is Rome the greatest?

     This year in history we have moved on from ancient to medieval times.  But since history got pummeled into medieval times, the idiotic psychopaths finally got what was coming to them.  Whenever I learn about history in school it is referred to as the greatest civilization in the history of the world.... And that is why the lessons are stupid, because to understand Rome you need to look beyond the fancy shmancy sidewalk and onto the dunderhead in the throne.  We talk about other civilizations as barbarians and vampiric idiots as the civilized. And by vampiric I mean that these people liked to drink a warm cup of human blood even as medication. HUMAN BLOOD!!!

     Ah, these Romans were civilized enough to know how to brush their teeth... WITH MOUSE BRAINS!!!  Tell me that isn’t gross.  With the strongest organized military in the land they didn’t stand a chance against a few tribes in 390 B.C. who sacked Rome and left. Nevertheless they paid the price literally; they left with 100 to 1000 pounds of gold.  Though Julius Caesar was a pretty good commander he cried because he had nothing close to the insane military mind of Alexander the great.  And died because he was too much of a dunderhead to realize that Cleopatra was an idiot.

    Do you still think Rome was a great civilized empire?  Please comment.

 

CELTIC WARFARE !!!!!!!

     The Celts lived in a widespread territory spreading throughout England, France, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales until around 44 B.C. when Julius Caesar got his head stuck in the salad bowl and started attacking Gaul (the Celtic land).  I mean, to attack this place you have to have some nerve.

     The Celts were insane when it came to fighting, equipped with iron swords, spears, and huge wooden shields big enough to cover even the largest of these huge people, who were usually nudists. Painted like monkeys while playing ear-piercing music, these warriors were a terror on the battlefield. A roman historian named Tacitus wrote that the Celts' infantry was their main strength though their cavalry of chariots was still very fierce.

     Polybius, a Greek historian, wrote that the Romans were horrified by the nudity and noise. The instant the Celtic infantry lifted their weapons they charged like rhinos, throwing their body at people sword-first.

     The Celtic chariot riders attacked something like this:  first the driver would go all around while the rider continually threw weapons at everyone he could, murdering anyone in his path.  When surrounded by other cavalry the warrior would jump from the chariot and go on randomly killing people.

     One other thing that made the Celts harder to beat is that they believed that no matter what, when they died it would be just like where they were except with no sickness or hunger or a bunch of other bad stuff.

    So if you ever time travel, don't get on these guys' nerves.

THE DESTRUCTION OF ROME!!!!!

    Most people say that Rome was the greatest empire of all time. This may or may not be true. Today I am going to tell you about its annihilating obliteration.

     The first of Rome's two destructions happened when it lost to the Gallic Tribes, who were, shockingly, uncivilized barbarians.  While this was happening, the Romans had other bizarre issues.  One of the most highly destructive of these was their despicable economy.

     The first Gallic invasion of Rome was in 390 B.C.  The Romans were caught off-guard. At this period of time in Rome, all the armies only fought when they were ready to go on a campaign.  Because they were unprepared, they basically did not have a chance.

     At one point they were able to get their military force together.  Then it was a fair fight.  But at the battle of Allia in July 18, 390 B.C., they were vanquished.  The Gauls' military force was way bigger than the Romans', and since the Romans' economy was so crappy, they could not buy more.

     When the Gauls conquered Rome, they just stole 100 to 1000 pounds of gold and left.  The Gauls, however, became an epic terror in Rome.  Later on, Julius Caesar would conquer Gaul but not all of it....

     Much later on, when Julius Caesar was by now a legend, the great country of Rome had:  dishonest generals, a despicable economy, over taxation making people sad and poor, shrinking population because of starvation, and many more bad problems.  To fix these problems, the Roman government (now just an emperor) decided to split the empire in half in order to allow two emperors to exist so Rome would be easier to manage.  (The west was the only real Rome since it contained the main land).

     But the real Rome was still doing poorly at managing.  Then an alliance of the barbaric tribes attacked Rome and eventually defeated it.   The alliance was made of the Huns, Franks, Vandals, Saxons, Visigoths, and remaining Gallic tribes.

     The other half of Rome was not attacked and did great.  They changed their name to Byzantine.  They lasted for the next millennia! After Rome was conquered the dark ages began.

Alexander the Great

     Alexander the great was the greatest military leader of all time! He was both a genius and an idiotic mass-murdering mad-man. He lived to be 33 years old. One of the most astonishing facts about him is that he never lost a battle in 11 years!
 
     Even when Alexander was an adolescent he idolized Achilles and Hercules. He was educated by the famed Greek philosopher Aristotle. When his father inexplicably died Alexander became king. Some people believe Alexander killed him. Throughout his life he at all times tried to be better than his father in everything.
 
     One of his quotes that show he’s a power-hungry maniac was when he said "in the universe there is an uncountable amount of worlds and I haven't conquered even one". His first major accomplishment was in 334 b.c when he vanquished the Persians with 40,000 soldiers in the battles of Gracious and Isis. After the war he cared for the solders and let the families of the murdered ones be free from all taxes.

    Next he occupied Tyre. The Egyptian people were so relieved that the Persians were defeated that they proclaimed that he was the child of the Egyptian god Ammon and the pharaoh. After that he moved on to Atria and Sodugana (now Afghanistan and central Asia) according to triumph over these territories was given a challenge by king gordias to untie an extraordinarily tremendously difficult knot. Alexander cut the knot without hesitation and thus the phrase to cut the Gordian knot was born.


      Despite his intelligent mind this guy had some serious issues. When his foster-brother who saved his life said Alexander’s solders were with him all the way, Alexander the stupid grabbed a guard’s spear and killed him in cold blood!


     He founded over twenty fortified cities to toughen up his terrain. The most famous of these territories is Alexandria in Egypt. Alexander wanted to outdo Hercules by conquering Arabia, northern Africa, and the rest of the world! Fortunately for the rest of the world he mysteriously died in 323 b.c before that could come to pass. Nevertheless he created a titanic empire stretching from India to Istria or in today’s map from the Balkans to Lower Egypt.

The Colossus of Rhodes

Alexander the Great conquered many places, including the Mediterranean Island of Rhodes, which was part of ancient Greece. Alexander died pretty young from an insect bite around 300 BC. His three generals split up his empire. All wanted the island of Rhodes. Rhodes was positioned perfectly to be a territory of trade. The people of Rhodes supported General Ptolemy. Unfortunately, even though the general was successful in conquering Egypt, most of Greece was conquered by a different general. This general was infuriated that the inhabitants of Rhodes had not endorsed him. He sent his son to eradicate the city. His son was not triumphant. General Ptolemy sent an army from Egypt to give the townspeople a hand. Together, they drove the opposing army away. With jubilation, the townspeople used the armor and war machinery left behind. They melted down the bronze, and used it to construct a colossal statue of their patron god, Helios, to show gratitude Helios for helping them save their city.

The sculpture was 110 feet tall and stood on a 50 foot foundation. Every morning, the sun glittered off the bronze plates that covered the statue. It must have been a stupendous sight! It only took about 15 years to assemble this mind-bogglingly astonishing statue, and the resources were almost completely free! Just 56 years after the sculpture was built, it was Demolished by an earthquake. Nearly all of the pieces fell into the harbor. The statue's thumb was accessible. Many people traveled to observe the statue's thumb and to try and put their arms around it. The thumb was larger than their arms could stretch. The ruler of Egypt offered the citizens of Rhodes funds to reconstruct the statue. But the townspeople rejected the offer. They were terrified that their god Helios had tossed the sculpture down in a fit of great rage. They decided to leave the statue exactly as their god had positioned it. Many years later, around 600 BCE, Arab traders finally removed the remainder of the Colossus to use as scrap metal. Legend says ... it took 900 camels to transport the pieces home. This ancient wonder encouraged other artists throughout time. A French sculptor based one of his most famous works of art on the Colossus of Rhodes. That work of art is still in existence today. It is in New York City. It is called The Statue of Liberty!